There is a line in a Jonathan David Helser's song, "I will walk out the dreams you have placed in me and scream down the walls of fear". I am holding on to that line with everything in me right now. I feel a shift around me ... in me. I don't know if you've felt it too?
Life as I know it is no longer the same. Even though some things that I would love Him to change, haven't been. I ... am ... closer. I am now feeling Him move in my day to day experiences.
I was asking Papa, asking myself, asking the air around me, "How do you live the thickness of the Spirit all the time?" When you are at your job, frustrated over the printer not printing! When you are taking a break from the kids because they are running around and around! When you are looking at your husband wanting to slap him ... how do you submerse yourself in Him?
Well, I believe He answered me. I feel like the air has shifted around me and it is now energized. Energized with love, with purpose and with Him. At any moment, I feel like I can move into a pool of Him. I know He was always here, around me, loving me ... but now I feel like I've gone deeper.
I am screaming at the walls of fear around me. We've talked about it before, that going deeper sometimes makes you feel like you are drowning. But I wonder if that sensation is the walls that we have built up around us. Walls to protect us and stop the love from Him touching us, because at some point we thought He would hurt us. I wonder if that drowning feeling could be those walls imploding on themselves. We no longer need them when we're going deeper, so they start to break up. The false sense of security breaks apart and it takes a moment to get used to ... Him!
